dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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