Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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