There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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