Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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