And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm passing your future prison.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
