Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
