nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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