HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
