my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
