Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
