No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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