First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
