Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
