He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am