I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just want to make out with him forever
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?