You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.