i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?