you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
