May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
