i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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