well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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