margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
