Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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