I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
