come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
