The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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