You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
