your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
