they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
