I wish I only lived at night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
