There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
