the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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