Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
