Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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