If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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