Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Who died my cat blue again?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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