That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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