I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
