They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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