You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
