doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
