so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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