What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
