i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
