yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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