The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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