go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
