I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
