You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
