He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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