I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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