and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
