you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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