I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
