I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
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Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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