Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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