If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
