drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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