Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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