I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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