Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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