walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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