plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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