Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
whose parrot is this?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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