Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
