I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
