what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
